my day, ok. His day, not so much. His anxiety was high today. He emailed me about it at work. Was very proud of him. He wrote that he breathing worked. That's awesome. Texted a bit at lunch about nothing. He was awake at nine thirty, was proud again. But he wasn't out of bed till noon ish. Well, its a start, and you have to start some where. And that he was still going to see us later. That was even better. even with his anxiety getting high, he still said he was coming. So very proud. I did also realize that if it gets worse he might cancel. and that would totally suck. I think that would hurt him more than us though. And so that thought does scare me.
Get a little nervous after work, but manage to eat my sandwich, not my tomato or peas, but the sandwich is healthy, so that's ok. Get to taekwondo, I don't see his truck. My nervousness goes up a notch. We are early though, and Doris needs water. So we walk over to the store to get water. walking back I scan the parking, still don't see his truck. Crap. Did it get to bad? He didn't text me, is it that bad that he can't? Doesn't want to? Then I notice a truck that looks like him down the other street. It is his truck. thank goodness. He did make it. Crap, he is by himself in there, how hard is that on him? I hope it is not that bad. Get in there, I see its hard. He is stiff and worry eyed. Not that good, but he is still here. That's good, he is pushing himself. And I have to trust him that he knows his limits. I ask his scale, about an 8 or 9. That's kinda high, but he shrugs his shoulders, no big deal. Ok, then I won't make it a big deal. we talk a bit, about nothing really. Help Irene with her homework and then time to go. He gets hugs and kisses from the kids and me, and we say talk later.
He calls and we chat. Get some more plans and things figured out. Like the responsibilities that he is supposed to be doing at his parents place. There was some confusion there, but we talked and cleared it up. And he is ok with it. He was going to work on the garage and stairs at his parents and I though that he would start doing some of the things that he would be doing here, cleaning the kitchen, dishes, sweeping the floor, laundry, cooking. So I asked him, what he saw as a regular day out here. He described cleaning and cooking. I asked if he was worried about those chores then, aren't those the chores that he should be practicing? yep. Ok. That's good.
He still wants to babysit starting next week. this sounds amazing to me. And it will for sure push him, to see if he can handle the kids by himself. Their are a couple nights where he will have to do supper for them too. I hope that it is not to much to fast. and I hope that if it is, that he doesn't go down because of it. I is at least making himself sounds strong, which is a good thing. And I have to trust him that he knows what he can and can't do and that he can deal with not being able to do something. That will prove to be one of the biggest challenges that I foresee. We finish making plans for tomorrow and I make sure to let him know that I have a friend coming out for the night time on the weekend, but she is not supposed to be there during the day. We say goodnight and love you. I get ready and go to bed.
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