Going to the chapel...

Omg! We won! Three weeks to get everything done! Oh my! Wow! Still seems weird. I'm getting married? Really? Are you sure? Everyone says we sure deserve it a d i agree, and we want it, but is it real?

We were told we had to get everything done right away. So off to the races. Thank god i have an awesome boss, lets me combine my coffee and linch to get this stuff done without missing work.

Head down to the store that is offering my dress, walk in, explain why i'm there. So excited, they are going out of business and so we need to act fast. The owner states that we need to make an appointment. So cant do anything today. Very disappointing. Well quick change plans. Since we where going to get the dress on Thursday and the license and rings on friday, but now i have to get the dress on friday, so call james and see if he can run into town so that we can get the rings and some small stuff like hair appointments done today instead.

James can make it, so my brides maid and i walk downtown (since everyplace we need is downtown, (the downtown association put this together)) We try the place offering her jewelry. What color is your dress? Well we dont know because we had to make an appointment :(. Well guess we wont get that done either :(. Walk to yhe hair salon. Get all five of is booked with hair appointments, me the bridesmaid, my girls, and my mom. :). That is a good thing. They don't open till ten :/ what?!? Are wedding is at noon and we need makeup and to get dressed before that too! I didnt pick the time or date, i have no choice. They offer to open at nine!!! Wowee!! That's AWESOME!! Going to have to tip big!

On to the next place.. The rings! James calla the invitations are ready. I will grab them as i walk by on the way to the ring store. They look great! Awesome job! Now on to the rings! The best part right??? Walk in, explain who i am, have to wait the the guy, cause he is dealing with it :/ but he is busy right now. Ok. I guess. Hes done now. Lets size you up and then we will call you. Huh?!? Did i hear that right?!? We dont get to look at rings? Omg :(. So he sizes both of us up and takes our number and he will be ready monday. Wow. Well monday doesnt work for me, and we need to get our license on tuesday, so i guess wednesday lunch will be spent looking at rings. Thought they wanted all this stuff done right away?

Well i guess we can try out the place for my jewelry, since we now what color my dress will be. Walk in and tell the story. She shows me some choices and askes what cut my dress is.... Ahh crap.... I dunno... Sigh another no.... Garble garble. Well since we r down town, lets try and see if we can book the makeup and manicures.

Hard to find, no signage out or anything. Find the store in the building again no signage. Its closed, saying they will be back at 2:15. Its noon. Thats a heck of a lunch! I had already called them and left a message this morning too. And they havent called back.. Hmmm... Makes me wondering if they are even open at all today... And that makes me nervous. Well what a bust today was. Only got hair appointments done. Well and the ball started for everything else i guess.

Still seems very surreal. Like its just another day. And i am booked solid with grad appointment and such that its crazy. Working 8:30-9 every day this week. Wow. How am i ever foing to get anything done?

I guess we just keep trying.

James is doing really well. It appear to have very little effect on him. Maybe he wanted this more than even i knew??

Next day. Out of what the dress lady had in my size, and prize range, i had about 8 to pick from. Ended up picking three to try on. Found a good fit, very little alterations needed, which is good since i was told, they couldnt do it and i would have to pay it if was needed. Its cute too. Still seems weird. Lol. I wonder if it will sink in soon?

Turns out james' mom had her grandmother's or james' grandmother wedding ring in the SDB and was just waiting. She didnt want to pressure james. Awwww. Its very very nice. So we are using it as the engagement ring and as something old. Our tenant downstairs brought me something borrowed and something blue already too. And of i go with my new wedding ring, i will have something new something blue something borrowed and something old :). All in rings!!!

So much has changes in the last few days. Got most of the invites out, bit made a lot a phone calls too, just because we cant wait on canada post to make them on time all the time.

Wow, are we really getting married?

Married on main????

Hmm.... We have been talking abd thinking about marriage for a little bit, even looked at rings. Price tags of everything is stopping us though. The one radio station has a contest, called married on main. Basically the whole downtown businesses got together with the radio station and have come up with this idea, where two lucky couples, who cant afford a wedding but deserve one. So i got james to enter. He wrote:

I want to marry my girlfriend, we will have been together for 6 years come June 14. I have severe social anxiety disorder, although I was doing great for the first few years of our relationship I started to become more and more affected. This has led to me quitting jobs and even being hospitalized. She has stood beside me through it all, she may not have understood all that I was/am going through but she is there by my side, even when others tell her she should leave. She is a constant source of strength to me. She reminds me of what I have when I am so depressed I feel I have nothing worth living for. She works 3 jobs to support our family (her 2 girls from previous relationship her and me) giving up kids school and sports events, because I am unable to work and there is no financial aid that will help us. With money so tight, I/we can’t even dream of buying a ring much less having a wedding, especially one to the degree that she deserves. I don't know how to put into words the Love She and I share, she has seen me at my worst and still stands beside me. She picks me up when I am down, supports me when I feel I must fall and lends a shoulder to cry on when it all seems too much. To win this wedding would mean so much to us; it would be the starting point to the rest of our lives, it would be the ultimate way of showing my love for her, it would be the realization of one of our dreams. Words do not do justice to how we would feel if chosen. Thank you for considering us and please if not for me, for her, who has given so much up to make this relationship work.



Thank You.

We got the call for the short list and did the interview to make sure our story is true and we are deserving of an all expenses paid wedding. Now we wait to see if we win or not.....


Seems so surreal ...... Could i really be getting married?? Seems like a dream that was never going to happen..... Always seemed SSSOOO unattainable. If we win, could it really be real?

worried... again

well James did his course and passed.  Turns out that it is not the end of the course though :(  He has to do a bunch of on line stuff and then 15 mock inspections and then another test before he will be licensed in Alberta to do home inspections.  Still worried though.  the last two part time jobs that he said he was excited about died really fast.  but he said that he enjoyed doing the mock inspection which is good.  So worried that he is only seeing the "good " parts like he did with the last two jobs.  i dont know how to show him to push through his fear.  He can't seem to get that far.  Yes he is better than he was a year ago or even two, but in my eyes, we have hit the hard wall and it doesn''t seem to be budging because he can't seem to push past this part.  I feel that he is still trying to find the job that wont cause him anxiety, not the power to overcome the anxiety so that he can work any job.  sigh.  nothing is easy of course.  hard work.  i was taught how to work very hard, and do work very hard for what I want.  I excersice very hard to hit my goal weight and body shape, i work 3 jobs to keep the bills paid and family sustained.  and I dont give up that much mostly, because my pride is very high, but I have learnt to push myself.  And overcome hardship.  How do you teach someone how to do that?  and that it hurts but can still be done?  his paralizing fear it just that, paralizeing.  So how do you teach someone that shuts down, to stand up and keep walking? breathing? trying?  when they just freeze?  Is it my job to teach him?  How much more can I give up before I have nothing left to give up?  another weekend of fun plans with friends done, because its to much work for him to do.  So he is to anxious about it, so he doesn't want to do it.  We have time, if he gives up computer time.  he plays a lot of on line games, like right now, and has been for the last hour, and hour we could have gotten the trailer ready.  But it was to much, so I had to cancel plans with a friend.  Do i leave him alone for the weekend and go enjoy myself?  will that hinder or help him?  I think hinder, so me and the kids give up fun times, because its to hard for him, or so he thinks, he wont even try!  And thats where I get mad.  if you tried and it doesn't work then I understand, might not like it, but if you ran out of time to get the trailer ready, even though you had 2 full days since your not working or anything, then at least you tried.  but when you just give up and say you can't.  I hate that.  how can someone ever be taught to just give up because it might be to hard?  what kind of life is that?  I just dont understand it.  how can you not want a weekend camping? enjoying the time away, no stress?  i am still a bit lost.