on the 3rd, James' mom text's me, asking me to bring in some clothes for him. He is in the ER. I get a bag ready. His clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, vitamins, a book, his i pod. I get ready, manage to get makeup on through my tears. I am still scared. did he get to talk to someone? is he in a room? did they admit him? will he be in the crazy wing? He is just in the ER overnight. I can't wake him. i wonder if they gave him something to help him sleep? I wonder what time he got to sleep? I wonder if the doctors would tell me, they don't know who I am, even if I say I am his common law wife. I don't bother asking. I sit there and watch him sleep. Watching the clock so that I wont be late for work either.
Twenty minutes go by, and a couple doctors go to chat and sit down at their station near James' bed. The chair scratches the floor. It wakes up James. I say Hi. He says hi. I mention I brought things for him. He says thanks. I ask what time he got in, 3 in the morning. Then a nurse comes to talk. She asks who I am and then if I can stay. James says yes. She has a worksheet she needs to fill out. She starts to ask him questions about his panic attacks and life and family and our home. She suggest somethings, R-work group, free walk in clinic every thursday, and day groups for anxiety and stress. She also tells him that he has to start talking to me, one topic a day. He agrees. She goes to see if she can get him in to see his doctor sooner than the 15th. We agree to work on it, to get better. The nurse came back, we could see his doctor today at 10. wow. I decide that i need to take some time to be with him, even though I know I need to be a work, and working. I call work and tell my boss that I need to take my husband to the doctors and that I will be late, but I will be coming into work. My boss wishes us well.
We get ready to go. Into the van. I read some of the descriptions of the day groups and they sound amazing. They are all the things that he needs to work on. and of course these groups have been made to deal with people like James, they are used to these people. they know how to help them, to take it easy and slow. James says he doesn't think he can do it. I start to feel failure already. Even the nurse said it, there is no such thing as can't, just wont or don't want to. If he doesn't even want to go, then how will he every know if he can or to see if they help?
We get to the doctors, he is very tired and doesn't want to talk because he is so sedated from the shot they gave him the night before. I ask if he wants me to come in with him he says yes. i tell him he should ask first though to make sure its ok. He forgets to ask and I don't follow. He comes back out. His doctor is referring James to a crisis councilor. and changing his medication. I take James back to to his parents place since he isn't driving. He makes a plan to be up by 5 so we can have supper there at his parents place. he did get up and was very much awake. Supper was pretty good, kids played we watched TV. James' mom asked if he would be staying with them and he said no. He was even talking about some jobs in the paper. what? he is looking for work? he just spent the night in the hospital and he is looking for work already? is he not as bad as we think? whats going on? We go home. I ask James if he is ready for work, he says yes, so i mention a couple places that were looking. We go home and go to bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment