Saturday, December 20, 2014
I wanna stay home
I want to be able to stay home with E! I dont want to go back to work! I dont want to miss my time with her! I am soo stressed over going back to work. Headaches daily, cant lose weight, binge eating. I am sure i will adjust once it happens, but I dont want it to happen. :(. Can I win the lotto please?
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Crazy life
its amazing that this is the life that I have. I still can't believe that its this way. If someone had told my husband that life could be this good, 3-4 years ago, he would have laughed at them, and never thought it could ever be possible. He never would have believed in himself to this extent. He still tells me weekly, that wow, who knew, I never expected this, wow.
Our little one is almost 9 months old now.... I know right! wow, where has the time gone? So crazy!! And James is doing amazing, he just completed his busiest week to date! with six inspections and none on Friday! So he had 2 on Mon, 2 on Tue, 1 on Wed and 1 on Thur. Crazy! and he got a cold during that time. And he still did it!!! He only got tired, as anyone would working that hard with a cold. But no signs of depression or anxiety!!! SOOO Huge!! I couldn't be prouder of the steps and the distance that he has come :D
I will try and post more, but with a busy life of a black belt 13 year old and a curling 11 year old and the 9 month old, its hard to find time just to get to the computer some days lol.
Our little one is almost 9 months old now.... I know right! wow, where has the time gone? So crazy!! And James is doing amazing, he just completed his busiest week to date! with six inspections and none on Friday! So he had 2 on Mon, 2 on Tue, 1 on Wed and 1 on Thur. Crazy! and he got a cold during that time. And he still did it!!! He only got tired, as anyone would working that hard with a cold. But no signs of depression or anxiety!!! SOOO Huge!! I couldn't be prouder of the steps and the distance that he has come :D
I will try and post more, but with a busy life of a black belt 13 year old and a curling 11 year old and the 9 month old, its hard to find time just to get to the computer some days lol.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
New baby = new life
Well, obviously I`ve had my baby now. been supper busy with a new born and the regular life that we had with the other girls. So busy with taekwondo and school and such, that its been crazy!
Our little lady was born on Jan 5 and we will call her E. Miss E was 9lb 6oz and 20" long. big baby I know, but she was right in the middle of my other two. Thankfully the labor this time was very quick. It was intense, but quick so it was ok. I managed another no pain killer labor and delivery, as we got to the hospital shortly after ten and she was born at 10:59 am. So it was quick and we barely made it lol.
She is precious of course. J did really good the first week, he was there for me and her while still going to work full time. No inspections at that time, but he was working fulltime at his part time job so that worked really well. Both D and I helped as much as they could too, but they are both very inexperienced with a newborn and so its not like I could give them the baby and walk away lol.
My mom came down to help, but ended up getting sick with two different things and so wasn't able to spend much time with her or the new baby. :(
J tired pretty soon after the first couple weeks. It is hard to take care of a new born for sure. Especially one that seems to be sensitive and fussy. I dont want to say colic, but close to it. there was a few evenings that she just cried and cried. J got up once one the weekend to help give me a break, and it sure did help me. but I think it only helped tire him out.
Now J has inspections, one a week ish and working almost fulltime hours (he doesn't work if he has inspections or appointments, other than that, he is working fulltime at his part time job) And running the older girls around for taekwondo and school and stuff. We seem to never have time to do anything. Which is one reason why I haven't posted in ever. that and E likes to nurse every two hours most days, which makes doing anything hard right now. Both J and I are sooo worn out and tired and near our end. But we keep pushing.
We had a bit of a fight the other night. I was upset that it seems to be, me and the girls are the only ones doing anything around the house. He wasn't feeling great, part anxious and stressed and tired and was lying down in bed. I was also having a slightly bad day, crying baby, girls not listening and having my husband leave me to deal with all this alone didn't help my feelings either. The dam dog even got into it and stole J's steak from the table!!! He has never ever ever taken food that wasn't his! this blew my mind! But the girls started the dishes and I started dealing with the baby again, bath time and bed time. When J left the bedroom (where we change and dress E) and then when we were done her changing and came out to join everyone in the living room, J finished his tea and left us again. I was feeling very hurt. I have struggled so much with this baby, emotionally, physically. I second guess myself all the time, wonder if I'm doing the write things, worry that something will happen to her. and since I've had to change my diet and she's so fussy its just been sooo much harder than anything that I remember.
I know I will miss new born baby too, but I can't wait till she's older and although some might argue this, easier to deal with. I've even questioned if we made the right choice....
When I approached J about his disappearing act, he said he didin't even noticed that he was constantly leaving each room that we were in. When I asked about the little bit of help he has been offering around the house, he didn't say much. He didn't really say anything while I talked. I even asked him if we made the wrong decision to have a baby. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I guess I was expecting more, or easier or both? More happy moments, not fussy, fighting crappy moments. we are all on the edge with what we are doing, that we all have fried nerve ends. I keep telling myself it will get better. just think, in less than a year, E will be walking, eating normal foods, sleeping well and maybe even talking, even if its just little words and it will be so different. she will be awake and playing by herself and napping by herself and I will be able to do things. and even D and I will be able to help much more than, if I need to do something, E wont be nursing, anyone can feed her. I want to keep nursing her till I have to go back to work, but at this point, I'm not sure I can. i always have to stop and feed her, but no one else seems to pick up where I left off in the house. be it dishes or cooking supper for everyone, laundry or whatever. The floors haven't been done in ever, cause I've vacuumed twice since E was born, but other than that, it hasn't been done. Theres a reason I feel like if I dont do it, it wont get done. but its hard to run the house when your busy running the house. sigh, this too will pass right?
I really hope so. the 30 min naps that E has settled into are so hard to do anything, and I can't really leave her alone to play yet. and with feedings and burping (she's not the best burper) she isn't awake a horrible long time before she naps and needs to feed again. I feel like i'm failing as a mother :(
Our little lady was born on Jan 5 and we will call her E. Miss E was 9lb 6oz and 20" long. big baby I know, but she was right in the middle of my other two. Thankfully the labor this time was very quick. It was intense, but quick so it was ok. I managed another no pain killer labor and delivery, as we got to the hospital shortly after ten and she was born at 10:59 am. So it was quick and we barely made it lol.
She is precious of course. J did really good the first week, he was there for me and her while still going to work full time. No inspections at that time, but he was working fulltime at his part time job so that worked really well. Both D and I helped as much as they could too, but they are both very inexperienced with a newborn and so its not like I could give them the baby and walk away lol.
My mom came down to help, but ended up getting sick with two different things and so wasn't able to spend much time with her or the new baby. :(
J tired pretty soon after the first couple weeks. It is hard to take care of a new born for sure. Especially one that seems to be sensitive and fussy. I dont want to say colic, but close to it. there was a few evenings that she just cried and cried. J got up once one the weekend to help give me a break, and it sure did help me. but I think it only helped tire him out.
Now J has inspections, one a week ish and working almost fulltime hours (he doesn't work if he has inspections or appointments, other than that, he is working fulltime at his part time job) And running the older girls around for taekwondo and school and stuff. We seem to never have time to do anything. Which is one reason why I haven't posted in ever. that and E likes to nurse every two hours most days, which makes doing anything hard right now. Both J and I are sooo worn out and tired and near our end. But we keep pushing.
We had a bit of a fight the other night. I was upset that it seems to be, me and the girls are the only ones doing anything around the house. He wasn't feeling great, part anxious and stressed and tired and was lying down in bed. I was also having a slightly bad day, crying baby, girls not listening and having my husband leave me to deal with all this alone didn't help my feelings either. The dam dog even got into it and stole J's steak from the table!!! He has never ever ever taken food that wasn't his! this blew my mind! But the girls started the dishes and I started dealing with the baby again, bath time and bed time. When J left the bedroom (where we change and dress E) and then when we were done her changing and came out to join everyone in the living room, J finished his tea and left us again. I was feeling very hurt. I have struggled so much with this baby, emotionally, physically. I second guess myself all the time, wonder if I'm doing the write things, worry that something will happen to her. and since I've had to change my diet and she's so fussy its just been sooo much harder than anything that I remember.
I know I will miss new born baby too, but I can't wait till she's older and although some might argue this, easier to deal with. I've even questioned if we made the right choice....
When I approached J about his disappearing act, he said he didin't even noticed that he was constantly leaving each room that we were in. When I asked about the little bit of help he has been offering around the house, he didn't say much. He didn't really say anything while I talked. I even asked him if we made the wrong decision to have a baby. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I guess I was expecting more, or easier or both? More happy moments, not fussy, fighting crappy moments. we are all on the edge with what we are doing, that we all have fried nerve ends. I keep telling myself it will get better. just think, in less than a year, E will be walking, eating normal foods, sleeping well and maybe even talking, even if its just little words and it will be so different. she will be awake and playing by herself and napping by herself and I will be able to do things. and even D and I will be able to help much more than, if I need to do something, E wont be nursing, anyone can feed her. I want to keep nursing her till I have to go back to work, but at this point, I'm not sure I can. i always have to stop and feed her, but no one else seems to pick up where I left off in the house. be it dishes or cooking supper for everyone, laundry or whatever. The floors haven't been done in ever, cause I've vacuumed twice since E was born, but other than that, it hasn't been done. Theres a reason I feel like if I dont do it, it wont get done. but its hard to run the house when your busy running the house. sigh, this too will pass right?
I really hope so. the 30 min naps that E has settled into are so hard to do anything, and I can't really leave her alone to play yet. and with feedings and burping (she's not the best burper) she isn't awake a horrible long time before she naps and needs to feed again. I feel like i'm failing as a mother :(
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