August 13th 2011

Wow. I cant believe that i have not posted this year yet! Its hasn't been an easy year thats for sure!

I noticed my last post was in December, so literally this year is what i need to blog about to bring it up to date. Well in January EI started to run out and we had to find some ways to pay the bills. We discussed me working two jobs, or him going to work. James decided that he may be strong enough to work, but he figured that he was not ready to be a full time, basically single dad, if i was to work two jobs. So by the beginning of Feb he started to look for a job. He was applying everywhere that he could. With his sever anxiety causing social phobia, it does limit the jobs that he can apply for. For all of feb, he didnt even get One call. The need for money helped him continue hunting for a job. We no longer had ei, and started selling some of our possessions and asking family for money. It wasn't easy. My mother was a huge help in this area, all she said was how much? His parents were a bit more of a fight, they had to check and see and talk later. I will always remember this part "we will help this time, but we have to save for our rsp's and this will be the last time that we give". I know for me, that was harsh, your son has a disability and needs help, and you do but just this one time? How do you leave your son out to dry? They did mention that they would be willing to pay for labor though, IF there was something that needed to be done and James was able to do it.

This was a quick, couldn't sleep night.

It is now September 10 2011.


James has starting writing only recently, do to my forcing him.  As he went to write in his journal today.  he noticed that yesterday was one year ago that he had moved out to see if that would help the situation. 

One year ago.  Wow.  Things have changed and things haven't changed.

I dont think I will ever have enough time or space to bring this blog up to date completely, so a quick run down.  I am curren't working 3 jobs and about to take on a fourth.  If the fourth one works, I will quick my second job and still have three jobs going.  James is still struggling quite a bit.  It still seems that there is just nothing in this world to keep him happy for very long.  This scares me that he may never get better, unless  he forces himself to maybe.  I am not forsure, but if you always look at the bad, you will always see the bad.  And nothing good will ever be there.  I don't know how to show him the good. 

Back to my promise that I may never keep, but I will keep trying to keep this up to date, it is very hard to find the time though right now, with all my working, but I will still try none the less.

Thursday December 16 2010

Well... this week has been a bit crazy, training on a new position, and crappy crappy weather, making the roads around here horrible to drive on.  Migaines almost daily and trying to figure out if it is due to stress or the lighting on the new desk.  Both suck.  I missed a couple days, but the fact that I am back here says something too right?  I am trying, just like James needs to be, I might not make every day, but I have to try for every day.  Hoping that the strategy will help with James.  Going to look at the 'to do list' every monday so that it doesn't get carried away and stressed over.  Finally managed to do the floors this week with the new cleaning schedule that we are trying on.  It has been hard to switch over, just remembering basically has been the hardest part.  Trying out FLYlady way of life, or at least some of it anyways.  And one moto is 'You can do anything in 15 minutes' and its true, and if you think about it, most cleaning jobs shouldn't take more that 15 min.  So what we have decided to change was when we cleaned.  We used to leave everything for Sunday.  Then we would all spend a decent chuck of our time cleaning.  It sucked sometimes too, because I would actually not make plans for the fact that we would have to change our cleaning to a busier day or not go at all.  With laundry being included on that list for sunday, it made if very hard to go and do anything, when I would have to have my laundry all done for Monday morning.  However, with FLYlady, one thing that you are supposed to do, to avoid CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrom) is to take a load down in the morning and when you get home switch it and then before bed, fold and put away.  Now that might sound extreme and it sometimes feels that way.  So first we had to decide if we wanted to do everthing by sorting.  Colors, jeans, whites, and towels.  or by persons.  We ended up going with persons.  So I stayed with Sunday, so that I can have fresh cleaned clothes to start the week off with.  Then on Monday Irene puts her laundry in the washer before school.  And when she gets home, swithes it and then before bed she can take it out.  On wednesday, Doris's turn.  Friday is James' turn and Saturday is left overs.  We skipped Tue and Thur because of our Taekwondo commitments.  But even if someone leaves there clothes in there, the next person to come down and add there's can take out the other persons and bring it up to be folded and put away.  I must say the ladder doesn't happen very often right now, but in time that should change.  And we do a swish and swipe every morning.  And that really only takes about 5 min.  But then your Bathroom is cleaned every morning.  And this took a little bit of convincing too, just cause we have three bathrooms, and I wasn't going to go from bathroom to bathroom in the morning cleaning up every one of them.  So I explained the plan to James and Doris (since they are the main users of the other two bathrooms) and they agreed.  So that was really cool.