Still seems surreal!!!!!

Well it still seems very surreal. Is it actually going to happen?? It's like cinderella. I have fought for a lot in my life, and do feel i deserve this, but i am so worried about not getting it in the end. Very used to having nice this taken away from me too. With James having so many issues it is reality that he wont be able to handle it. But he had done VERY well with all the prep so far and so thats good. Time will tell, i think i am still kinda holding my breath to see what will really happen as if it wont actually happen. Cant have your heart broken if your not expecting it right? I do want it and wish i could enjoy it a bit more, but it will still be amazing either way :):)