Omg, how do i do this?

I am so lost/depressed/anxious.  I do NOT want to go back to work!  I wasnt like this with my other children, but I wasnt nursing still either.  I'm much older and have matured and changed.  I do not want to do this!  I want to be home, running the house.  Being with my kids, going to events, being home when they get home, being a mom!!! 

I will go.  We have to.  Cant afford it if I dont.  I will do whats right even if its not right for me right now.  

Why couldnt I win the lottery?