Its a girl!!

Lol, not what James had hoped for and I wonder if he feels more disconnected now that its a girl.  Of course like any good parent you say it doesn't matter, but we all have a preference andget disappointed   when we don't get what we want. I am worried that he will bond differently with his own child versus my girls and i am worried that they will notice and resent him a bit.  I also realize that im sure its natural.  He has been through it all with this child and will het the instant bond that he obviously didn't with my girls.  But that doesn't mean that he couldn't work on making it just as strong.  I hope that their love for this child will help bring is together more as a whole family too.  That is really what i hope for and want.  Of course i have no idea what i will get.  But i hope their is enough love that i have shared and raised my girls with that this will only strengthen their relationship with James as their father and bring them that much closer together.  Just like a real dad and daughter :).  

Oh the fears of parenthood.  I have so many with this baby that I didn't have with my girls.  Even that phrase might have to change a bit.  It cant just mean Doris and Irene, so I will have to make that adjustment too.  Simple things like that have me worried, but big things too. I remember being so scared that Irene was going to die on me and it took longer to bond with her than it should have.  And i worried again too.  I have only ever seen two girls in my future, not that I'm physic or anything, but sometimes you just know.  Like how i knew my first two babies where girls before they where born.  And so here is born the fear that i will lose one of my children.  According to many God only gives you what you can handle, and i dont know if i could handle it.  I think the only way i could, would be because of their surviving siblings.  Otherwise, i know i would not be able to handle losing a child.  But i dont know what life has in store for me and the only way to know is to move forward.