Still so surreal

I still cant seem to fully believe that I am pregnant.  I was so worried about James and how he would do, but like our wedding he is doing better than me.  His work is getting better too, he is working enough to cover his own bills, not enough to cover all the bills yet, but I guess thats what breaking into the industry will do for you.  We just need to keep working on it.

The first trimester has not been fun, i have been sick and tired and more than normal migraines because that happens from the hormones. Eating can be a challenge some days still.  Because of this I have spent most of my home time in bed and doing nothing.  I havent spent a lot of time outside of work and home because i dont feel good most days :(.  

I literally still question in this is really happening or if its some cruel trick some how.  I have seen the ultrasound i know its real, it just doesn't feel real.  And I'm sure this isnt what James  signed up for either.  

I know i am excited for him to feel the baby kick and enjoy some of those neat things, but its hard to enjoy it when im worried that its not real.  I want to.  I am even trying to pray, jesus take the wheel, kinda idea.  Let whatever happens happens, because im strong enough to deal with whatever comes.  Or at least i hope i am :(.