December 12 2011

Wow.  Today was an emotional roller coaster.  I think i experienced every feeling today.  Everything was going as planned and well, lost a pound this week, yay! We were on time!  Double yay!  Shopping at walmart even went well.  I didnt add to the cart, or as little as possible.  James is normally a better budgeter and i think thats because he never steers from the list.  We made as little as possible for groceries, making our menu from food that we already had so that we could have a few dollars left over from groceries for other things like Christmas shopping or stocking stuffers.  Thankfully we are getting a Christmas hamper from the food bank to help out too.  That comes in on the 16th.  We will need it.  While we were browsing our upgrading options at Rogers my friend and brunch date calla to cancel.  Disappointment.  Then hunger and worry.  James and i didnt eat because we were having a date with a friend and he was paying.  Now we have to eat before i go to work and we have to pay.  We had no back up plan :(. Nothing we can do.  Just keep moving.  Next store doesnt have what i want and i am starting to get frustrated.  It feels like James is following but pushing behind me and i dont like to be rushed. We decide we need to eat out and choose a cheaper place beside mu work.   Hang out at the restaurant before work. Nice calm and relaxing.  Go to work.  New guy, thats on the manager is there to train him.   Not even an hour later the manager is leaving for her kindergarten recital.  Mixed emotions.  Leaving already and i would for my daughter.  Manager says might not be back.  Ok.  no customer come in anyways so a slow long day.  I end up calling James to ask him how to make sure the machine is set up right for the new guy as i am not trained on that part and it is only his second day so he doesnt know for sure either.  I called James because it would have been easier than calling the manager.  Then he tells me he lost $45!  We can't afford that!  Its  his gas money to get back and forth and money to get cheap second hand earring so that Doris can have a nice present from Santa this year!  OMG!  I cant seem to get my frustration away from wanting to yell at him!  And James is the one that is wanting to move on, what is done is done, and I know that, but maybe he should look at what he can make better so that it doesn't happen again?  Get home and still upset and frustrated.  It seems like just when we are finally getting somewhere, we just shoved right back down the ladder.  How long do I have to keep climbing for?  Start looking at finances to see where we can make up the $45 and also to see if we can finish getting xmas stuff.  I have been getting good hours at my second job and my check should pull us through pretty good and his cheq too!  So, calming down a bit.  Still can't sleep though, so wrote this to help. And it did.