Wow. I cant believe that i have not posted this year yet! Its hasn't been an easy year thats for sure!
I noticed my last post was in December, so literally this year is what i need to blog about to bring it up to date. Well in January EI started to run out and we had to find some ways to pay the bills. We discussed me working two jobs, or him going to work. James decided that he may be strong enough to work, but he figured that he was not ready to be a full time, basically single dad, if i was to work two jobs. So by the beginning of Feb he started to look for a job. He was applying everywhere that he could. With his sever anxiety causing social phobia, it does limit the jobs that he can apply for. For all of feb, he didnt even get One call. The need for money helped him continue hunting for a job. We no longer had ei, and started selling some of our possessions and asking family for money. It wasn't easy. My mother was a huge help in this area, all she said was how much? His parents were a bit more of a fight, they had to check and see and talk later. I will always remember this part "we will help this time, but we have to save for our rsp's and this will be the last time that we give". I know for me, that was harsh, your son has a disability and needs help, and you do but just this one time? How do you leave your son out to dry? They did mention that they would be willing to pay for labor though, IF there was something that needed to be done and James was able to do it.
This was a quick, couldn't sleep night.
It is now September 10 2011.
James has starting writing only recently, do to my forcing him. As he went to write in his journal today. he noticed that yesterday was one year ago that he had moved out to see if that would help the situation.
One year ago. Wow. Things have changed and things haven't changed.
I dont think I will ever have enough time or space to bring this blog up to date completely, so a quick run down. I am curren't working 3 jobs and about to take on a fourth. If the fourth one works, I will quick my second job and still have three jobs going. James is still struggling quite a bit. It still seems that there is just nothing in this world to keep him happy for very long. This scares me that he may never get better, unless he forces himself to maybe. I am not forsure, but if you always look at the bad, you will always see the bad. And nothing good will ever be there. I don't know how to show him the good.
Back to my promise that I may never keep, but I will keep trying to keep this up to date, it is very hard to find the time though right now, with all my working, but I will still try none the less.
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